Every now and then, however, I’m reminded that there are certainly exceptions to that rule. One such reminder presented itself last week when I was at the grocery store.
Soon after entering the store, I grabbed a cart and figured I’d take a quick restroom break before I started to shop. I strolled the cart down to the restrooms, and left it just outside of the hallway before going in. When I returned (no more than 30 or 40 seconds later), I was stunned to find that it was missing.
Now, normally this wouldn’t be such a big deal. I would have just gone and grabbed another cart since I hadn’t even started my shopping yet. The problem, however, was that my missing cart wasn’t empty. In the kiddie seat, I had not only left my grocery list, but also a good number of coupons.
I’m not talking about just standard newspaper-coupons, either. I’m talking about those cool, store-loyalty ones that get sent to you in the mail based on your shopping patterns: $3 off items from the meat department, a free carton of eggs, a free box of granola bars, etc.
So yeah, this was kind of a serious situation. Plus I was convinced the cart hadn’t been taken by accident.
No one could have mistaken the cart as being up for grabs or abandoned. First of all, it was parked outside of the bathrooms – not at the entrance of the store. Secondly, the items inside it were quite noticeable, including my grocery list which was large and colorful. As I had only stepped away from it for a half a minute, there was a pretty decent chance that whoever had taken it had seen me leave it there.
Whether they wanted the cart, the coupons, or both, they took something they knew belonged to someone else – and they were probably feeling pretty confident at that very moment, thinking they had gotten away with it.
What that person couldn’t have known, however, is that I write mystery novels. I don’t technically have any investigative expertise in my background, but I do have a keen eye for detail and a passion for putting puzzles together. I wasn’t about to walk away with my tail between my legs. I was going to get to the bottom of who had taken my cart and my exclusive coupons!
The game was afoot.
I quickly checked the nearby Starbucks Coffee exit, just to make sure that the thief hadn’t barreled into the parking lot with my cart, like from an old television episode of Jackass. I saw no one.
I cased the immediate area – first the produce department, then the deli. I knew that the person couldn’t have gone very far with my cart in such a short period of time. I took note of who was pushing a shopping cart and who wasn’t. Luckily, it was around 9 a.m., so there weren’t a ton of people in the store.
My next move was to quickly retreat to the front of the store to grab a new cart. I figured I might as well get my shopping done while I proceeded with the investigation.
I had a couple of strong suspects early on. Due of the physical size of my grocery list and the fact my coupons had been sprawled out across the kiddie seat, I theorized the culprit wasn’t likely to have gathered all of that paper up and shoved it in their pocket. It would have taken too much time and it would have immediately implicated them if I had stepped back out of the restroom early. The action had to have been more discreet – more efficient, like placing an item or items on top of the kiddie seat to cover up the paper in one step, before quickly pushing the cart away.
One suspect had a large purse resting on her seat. The other had bags of produce sitting there. While I proceeded to shop, doing my best to remember what had been on my list, I kept a casual eye on both of them.
Eventually, the woman with the purse lifted it up to grab something from inside of it. I eliminated her as a suspect when I noticed my stuff wasn’t on the seat.
I then focused my attention on the other woman. This was actually easier (and less creepy) than it sounds because we were both working our way up through some of the same aisles, and moving at an even pace.
Minutes later, a huge siren sounded off in my head when I noticed her grab a carton of Kroger ice-cream from the frozen food section. One of my exclusive coupons was for that item! 40 cents off! Next, a dozen eggs. Those would have been mine for free!
After she had collected a few more items, she began making her way toward the cash registers. Having just about finished my own shopping, I did the same – pushing my cart down the next aisle.
That’s when I ran into my friend, Brian. “Not now!” I thought to myself, knowing that I had invested too much time in my suspicions to get caught up in a friendly conversation and miss discovering whether or not I had targeted the right person. I exchanged some brief small talk with Brian, and then took off like I was in a hurry (which I was).
By the time I got to the front of the store, she was already at one of the registers, pulling items out of her cart and placing them on the conveyor belt. I pulled into the aisle next to hers, where someone was getting checked out in front of me. The suspect didn’t notice me as I peered over shelves of chewing gum at her cart.
Once there were only one or two items left in her cart, I finally saw it! My grocery list and my coupons, now stacked together in a neat pile. Busted!
My first thought was to run up to her, point my finger, and yell, “Ah Hah!!!” However, I realized I would likely give her a heart attack and also thoroughly convince everyone else I was completely insane.
Instead, I nonchalantly left my cart in line and walked up behind her’s. The moment she removed her last items and turned her head to place them on the belt, I snatched the coupons and list out of her cart in a sleight-of-hand maneuver that would have made David Blaine proud. I then casually returned to my cart before she even knew what had happened.
If I’d had an extra second, I would have left in the coupons’ place one of my promotional bookmarks that I carry around with me – you know, just to let her know who she had been thwarted by. That would have been even more ridiculous, however, than following her throughout the store. Plus, I’m pretty confident that it wouldn’t have led to a book sale.
When she turned to grab her (my) coupons from her cart, I watched the same baffled expression form on her face that I had been wearing only 15 minutes earlier, when I first realized that my cart had been stolen. It was absolutely priceless. She searched the cart, the floor, her pockets, and of course found nothing. Once her items were rung up, she was forced to pay full price for everything – including items she likely wouldn’t have ever put in her cart if she hadn’t taken my coupons. I admit this brought a smile to my face. She never did see me.
When I told my wife about the incident later that night, she asked me, “If someone in the store had seen you grab those coupons out of her cart, wouldn’t they have thought YOU had stolen them?” She had a pretty decent point – one I admit I hadn’t really thought about at the time. I suppose I was lucky.
The moral of this story, I believe, is to be respectful of others … because you never know if the person you disrespect has way too much time on his hands, and will refuse to surrender his loyalty card savings.
